Pranks by Boys - "Proof and Consequences"

It was a pick up game, seven innings, late in the school year and I was pitching.

I only played pitcher or catcher, since I didn't run well and couldn't throw very far, as I never learned how! I casually picked off batters, three up and three down 5 innings in a row. The opponents called it a night, it was obvious they weren't going to hit me.

She was up in the stands, blonde and stacked and pretty cute. I knew who she was; she had just dumped my friend Cornie. I didn't pay much attention to his love life, they had been going out for a couple of years, but when he wasn't out with her he was partying with us.

What I found out later was that she had her girl friend drive her way out to the ball park we were using, just to meet me. I was somewhat clueless and somewhat sophisticated, a wonderful and normal combination for a 16 year old.

Cornie was a sensitive guy, and was also real broken up by this twat. Ah well. I actually think that Cornie was gay, but in the closet at that point, haven't seen him in over 30 years. I don't know what became of him.

Anyway, after the game she sauntered over to me and said hello.

I noticed her bodacious tata's.

It was obvious that just looking at me made her pee a little puddle, but I ignored her advances judiciously. Coy works a lot better than obvious, I had that part mastered already.

She gave me her number and, while I wasn't even that interested, I gave her a call, since I was in between girls that week.

My "standard" date was pretty awesome, to most girls, and usually got me what I wanted.

There was a pretty decent chinese place downtown called Fu King's Palace. All my girls had enjoyed that place, then I would take them back to the theatre near my house, where they had been showing Harold and Maude for three years running. My favorite movie, which was lucky, since I'd seen it 22 times with different dates already, somehow it got them in the mood, being a love story and all.

Afterwards, depending on the season, we'd enjoy each other's company in the back of a car, skinny dipping in a lake, lying out on my pool table in the basement (with my parents watching tv upstairs) or, if her parents weren't around, off to her house.

But, this date was different.

I picked her up on time and told her where we were going for dinner. She turned to me and said "Fuck NO!" since she had worked at the Palace for two years during summers and was sick as hell of the food there.

This almost derailed me.

Turned out she wasn't that interested in small talk and dinner anyway, and had already seen Harold and Maude and didn't want to see it again.

Where we ate, I can't recall, but the back of my car afterwards was an adventure I've never forgotten, over three decades years later!

The following week Cornie was present at the Winto's Friday get together at Cageman's house.

I think all the Wintos were there, the core group of Schultz, Cageman, Walleye, Richey, Turncoat and me, Cornie and Bennie, even Pollack and Burns, peripheral members got together with us when they could.

I tried to be casual with Cornie, since I knew he was sensitive, but he had already heard (from one of her bitch girlfriends) that his ex and I had gone out.

Well, it wasn't two minutes into my visit there that he began to chew my ass and the "what happened on the date" bullshit started. I was extremely reluctant to tell him, since I don't kiss and tell, but he was more than insistent.

What a fuckin' plonker. I hit the bong again and again, hoping to pass out instead of being abused by his confrontation. But Cornie didn't let up a minute. It was silly and not fun but I held my ground.

My defenses lowered slowly, the vodka and beer and pot took its toll, but still I held out. Finally after about two hours of his constant harassment, I told him what he didn't want to hear. He said he didn't believe me. I said I could prove it.

The rest of the Winto gang were pissed at Cornie, and at me for what they perceived as my teasing, yet they were also unnaturally interested in how I could prove it!

I kept my mouth shut again, but Cornie wouldn't let up. . . "Well prove it then, motherfucker!"

I tried hard, since I didn't want to hurt him, but, worn down and bored, and actually a little pissed at his insistence, I finally whispered the proof into his ear. I figured if she could tell her girlfriends about me, I could tell her Ex about what we'd done too.

That was not exactly brilliant, but nothing else was going to shut Cornie up!

His reaction was a good imitation of cardiac arrest. He turned white, then a brilliant shade of red. He ran right through a door, into Cageman's bedroom and dove onto the bed for the phone.

He almost broke a finger calling her, to discuss the facts, now that he knew that I could prove it.

The rest of the Gang were laughing at this point, and I was simply sad. "What did you tell him man? Why did he dive for the phone like that? What the fug was the "proof" you offered anyway?" were just a few of the questions I was reluctant to answer.

Finally, hearing the sobs from the bedroom as Cornie cried his guts out, I broke down and told them. I knew that the consequences would not be good for my future with that particular pussy, but I couldn't keep my mouth shut for some reason, just had to share.

Knowing what I said next would only get them to ask a whole bunch more questions, I blurted it out anyway..."She has Inverted Nipples dudes!"

She got me back a couple weeks later. That's a whole 'nuther story.