Pranks By Boys: Shirtless at 57 degrees below zero

In the house, winter break, senior year in high school. It is really warm, and super dry, inside the house. STAtic electriCITY shedding at every opportunity, even the nail heads beneath the plaster could accept a discharge, making all of us thread the hallways carefully. Unfortunately the nylon carpeting…truly a static electricity power plant, if you will, made sparks and stings unavoidable.

My sister was home from college. She was already in San Diego at UC, and I had applied to San Diego State. Of course, my little brother was at home too…so we each had built in playmates right there at home. It must have been a Saturday, since I know I got up early to watch T.V. in the family room…a 3 stooges short, half an hour of bugs bunny and daffy, and various other choices (limited only by my inertia…no clickers back then, so I’d have to get up and PHYSICALLY CHANGE THE CHANNEL when I wanted to see another show.)

Outside it was remarkable. A day of absolute stillness and quiet, not a stir of a breeze, not a hint of a cloud, just a deep blue sky with the sun low on the horizon. What little moisture had been in the air the night before had delicately coated the existing snow with a light frosting. The sun, unimpeded, hit the new frost with sparkling effect. The roads were covered in compacted snow, but no one was driving.

The news band at the bottom of the TV screen that only occurred during a weather emergency was on all the broadcast channels I could receive from Minneapolis/St. Paul.
It told us over and over what we already knew, that the actual outside temperature was 57 degrees below zero, and could be deadly! Just being out when it’s that cold is dangerous.

We were still in the front family room when the mail truck putted by, the snow crunching and tire chains slipping and chirping. As the mail delivery proceeded, I reminisced about the 200 times I’d shoveled off the driveway over the prior 4 years. I had, during the last snowfall, ensured that the mailbox was accessible. A four foot mound of black snow piled up by the snowplow lined the street, but the ice took a break where I had carved out the mailbox.

I watched, and heard the clatter of the postal truck’s chains on the road when I got this crazy idea…to go get the mail!

The terrain was well known…the doorway, driveway and mailbox, then back up the driveway, and through the front door. About 75’ or so, one way… however, it was beyond just cold outside…it was 57 degrees below zero! Your lungs could freeze, (and definitely your nostrils) if you even took a breath that wasn’t sucked through a scarf or mask of some kind…

But I had this contingency well covered…I was a competitive swimmer at the time, ranked nationally top fifty, and knew how long I could hold my breath, even if I were doing work…so, of course, it seemed just the thing (to my 17 year old brain…). I had on pajama bottoms and no shirt, so…
Not disturbing my siblings, I went to the “mud room” and found some appropriate boots. These were nylon uppers with plastic soles that had lots of air to keep your feet away from the incredibly cold ground. The inside of the nylon upper had a serious piece of soft insulation that form fit your ankle and lower leg…they were rated to 90 below zero, just what I needed that day.

I grabbed a pair of wool stockings from the dryer and slipped on the boots. I knew that my head would lose heat fastest. So, somewhat reluctantly, I took my hat, really a combination hat and scarf, pulled it way down my face, curled up the edge to make it double thick almost all the way to the top of my head, then I took the rest of the 6’ length and wrapped it around my neck.

Now I was ready (enough!). Out of the mud room I strode quickly through the family room, to ensure my audience (big sis and lil bro) were aware and watching, flipped open the front door, closed the door loosely (didn’t latch it, but couldn’t leave it open, it was just too cold outside!), waved at my sibs as I marched past the window, down the driveway, to the mailbox, up the driveway, another wave, and then back inside…

I didn’t take a breath until I was back inside the house, and the door was firmly shut! My upper body was steaming while I was outside, the vapors continued to curl off my chest. I had exhaled just a little, before I came into the front door, and watched my breath SINK instead of rise, since the water vapor froze on contact with the air, and precipitated out as ice crystals!

After they stopped yelling at me, my sibs decided, once again, that I was absolutely crazy.